This Ol' Radio
by schillingklaus
Summary: Spencer collects old radios for a sculpture. One of them makes him travel across the continent.


**This Ol' Radio**

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**Klaus Schilling**

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**Synopsis**

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**Rating**:

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PG-13

******Disclaimer**:

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iDo Not Own Zoey 101 or any other show or works of art used for this noncommercial story.

******Genres**:

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Fluff, family, science fiction, and more.

******Fandoms**:

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The story occurs in the unified universe of a huge variety of current or past live action shows produced for Nickelodeon channel, including, but not restricted to, _The iCarly Show_, _Zoey 101_, _Victorious_, _Drake & Josh_, _Unfabulous_, _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_. _Bigtime Rush_, _How To Rock_, _True Jackson VP_, _Supah Ninjas_ ... and makes heavy use of a variety of members of their casts.

******Prerequisites**:

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Knowledge of _The iCarly Show_ and _Zoey 101_ is desirable, but, like for all other shows involved, familiarity on _Wikipedia_ level is sufficient.

******Timeline**:

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The start of the story is in a summer gap that is supposed to be located after _The iCarly Show_: _iPilot_ and after _Zoey 101_: _Radio_, preceding the next episodes of the respective show, supposing in both cases production number order. _Drake & Josh_, _Unfabulous_, and _Ned__'__s Declassified School Survival Guide_ are already terminated. All the younger shows have not yet started.

******Summary**:

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Spencer Shay collects old radios for a sculpture. One of those devices with a dubious history makes Spencer travel a long way.

******Couples**:

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Spencer Shay / Zoey Brooks, Carly Shay / Dustin Brooks

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**Acknowledgements**

The story is written for Prompt _A decade late and a penny short_ for _Livejournal_ community _Tamingthemuse_.

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**Contents**

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Chapter 1 Spencer's Project

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1.1 Introduction

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1.2 iCarly

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1.3 Model Fada

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1.4 The Replies

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1.5 Trip To Maryland

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1.6 Nicole Bristow

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1.7 Meeting Chase

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1.8 Grandpa Joe

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Chapter 2 Adventure At PCA

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2.1 The Tall Blond Rake

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2.2 Invited To A Barbecue Party

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2.3 On The Road To California

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2.4 Arrival In Malibu

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2.5 Charcoal Smoke

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2.6 Preparing Dips

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2.7 Trisha Kirby

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2.8 The Story Of The Radio

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2.9 Conclusion

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**Chapter 1 Spencer's Project**

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**1.1 Introduction**

Hello, my name is Carlotta Shay-Brooks, but I urge you strongly to call me Carly. and today, I am going to tell you the story how I met my husband Dustin Brooks.

I spent most of my young years in the emerald city, as we call Seattle in the heart of the state of Washington, not to be confused with Washington DC, as even my dumb falsely so-called best friend Samantha Puckett was able to tell the two of them apart. Alas, she believed wrongly that Washington was named after some sort of food. She used to be hungry twenty-four of twenty-four and seven of seven, by the way.

My father, Colonel Steve Shay, was a high-ranking officer in the airforce, commanding a submarine across the seven seas. Needless to say, dad was hardly ever at home, nor was it possible for me to come with him, so at some point, my adult brother Spencer had been assuming guardianship. Spencer was — some fact still unbeknownst unto dad — a law school dropout and a freelance sculptor making the most impossible works of modern pop art. Unfortunately, Spencer was fairly crazy and little responsible, well, what else would one expect anyways from a law school dropout making sculptures with most absurd materials. He was in his mid twenties, but it was hard to find a teenager behaving in an at least similarly silly manner, well, most of the time.

I had always wondered why people paid him for his art, well, those customers I did get to know were also missing a few chords in their piano. In no case could this be called a regular income of any sorts whatsoever, and thus his credit card used to be revoked from time to time, and similar stuff, but in the end, he always seemed to have enough money, so bear with it!

It was certainly better for me not to wonder where he had actually got his money from, regardless of being a decade too old and always in the debts.

And now he had decided to build a sculpture made of old radios he had found somewhere on the trash yard somewhere nearby.[1:1] The radios looked sometimes really interesting, and according to neighbourhood guy Fredward Benson some of them may even have had a high value on the market among collectors and museums. Maybe even our grandpa who lived in the city of Yakima in a valley in southern Washington had got one of those radios back then when he was a high school boy, about fifty years ago or something like that.

Usually I would not have cared about those old days, I mean, in a time in which there were G.O.s, all the pear pod stuff, and many more, so who needed to worry about those useless old things, anyways?

* * *

**1.2 iCarly**

Along with my friends, I was running a web show known as _iCarly_, running since spring of that year.

It had started with my preliminary work for a talent show of our school, Ridgeway. The responsible teacher, mean Francine Briggs, had forced me to do that job because Samantha had depicted her once more as an animal, and this had been her third serious crime of the year, something for which she would have been expelled form school and stuffed into youth prison. I had claimed to have committed the misdeed and thus taken that punishment upon me.

Unfortunately, but as I should have expected, Miss Briggs definition of talent was absolutely not compatible with mine, and so I had decided to make my own talent show, using the interweb as an appropriate medium. And down to Fredward, this idea had grown into a web show. He was a tech freak and willing to take over the job as a technical producer, or whatever he called it. He did that exclusively in order to hit on me in an utterly obnoxious manner, as he had tried already since the start of middle school.

Whatever the reason for the web show, it took off really well, and the kids watching our first episode had wanted more of it.

My first viewers had been almost exclusively students of Ridgeway Middle School, maybe with a few friends and relatives. But the popularity would not be restricted forever to this small circle. I was not yet sure how the information about my web show had spread across the country in such a short time, but it definitely had happened.

Spencer had thus wondered whether he should not use my show's popularity in order to look for old radios.

Fredward Benson explained that this was a bad idea, because the radios he was looking for had bee decades older than the target group of our web show — whatever he meant. Apparently this was tantamount to saying that the interweb-spoiled kids of today were not really familiar with old radios from the time before the war in Vietnam.

This was probably true, and thus Spencer was little inclined to pursue his plan, at least by now.

But I had still got an idea. "This is summer time, and many kids go to their grandparents and like to rummage through their belongings." At least I used to love top do things like that when visiting opur grandpa in Yakima.

Spencer liked this idea, although he was not convinced all that much. "Socko and I have often enough rummaged through his granny's attic, and we never found an old radio ... maybe some old tooth braces and combs, though ... maybe an idea for another sculpture ..."

But this was not meaning that the idea was pointless.

Samantha asked my big brother whether he had already found some old ham and chicken wings in their attic, something which he had to deny.

I was almost forced to puke when thinking about rotten meat, which was certainly not supposed to be healthy food. But Samantha's stomach was thicker and more resistant to anything than the walls of Fort Knox.

* * *

**1.3 Model Fada**

Fredward counted down the seconds until the start of the next web session. "Five ... four ... three ... two ..." He refused to say "one," because he deemed it — for whatever reason — totally uncool.

I initiated the web session by greeting our viewers, and Samantha did the same. Fredward was a bit envious, because he never got much action, and he would sooner or later end like all those typical tech freaks.

But unlike in the previous sessions, I interrupted the presentation of the clips we had prepared for the show in favour of an important appeal. "My brother Spencer, un unknown but totally gifted artist, is looking for old radios for a monumental sculpture named ..."

Spencer was with us, and he added , a sculpture made of old radios ... no later than the war of Vietnam."

Samantha growled, "those lame things people used for listening to musics before the age of pear pods and G.O.s — and fried chicken wings in red hot salsa."

I continued, "so ... go and ask your grandma, ask your grandpa ..."

Samantha added, "or you granduncle, or grabpa in law, or ... wait, don't ask them, just grab it off them!"

I poked my co-moderator slightly. Then I announced that the sender of the best old radio would win an award, although we had not yet decided on the nature of this prize.

Samantha wanted to give away Fredward's germ free panties.

His mother Marissa was extremely paranoid and forced him to wear such a crap, along with using tick cream.

* * *

**1.4 The Replies**

Spencer had not really expected many replies, especially because Fredward had discouraged him, but there were quite a few of them.

Unfortunately this did not mean that all of the replies were offering an old radio.

Some creeps were shrink thinking that they should help Spencer because of his obsession with useless arts and his inappropriate haircut.

But a few of those ancient and nowadays obsolete devices had actually turned up.

The most interesting reply, by any stretch, had been that by a guy named Chase Bartholomew Matthews, a student at Pacific Coast Academy in the outskirts of Los Angeles. This happened to be the school of Melanie Puckett,[1:2] the monozygotic twin sister of Samantha. Chase claimed that his grandfather Joe owned such an old radio.[1:3]

A few weeks ago, during the spring term, Chase had asked his grandpa from Baltimore for money for a new G.O., as those devices rocked.

Here I was unable to refrain from agreeing wholeheartedly, as did virtually every sane teenager of the day.

Joe had sent his grandson something, but, instead of the expected bucks, the parcel had contained an old radio. He had been thoroughly disappointed.

Oh, yeah, I would have been really upset if my grandpa had committed the same unforgivable misdeed ... no, I had not got any words for this excruciating perversity.

Chase had not got any use for the stupid thing, so he had sold the device for a few bucks to blond Mary Sue Zoey Brooks, a girl he had been hankering after during the last three years.

But then it turned out that the radio was of an excessively rare model named Fada, worth around ten thousand bucks, a sum allowing him to buy even more than one G.O.

I would have sold that radio and bought the G.O., regardless of any memories connected to that old crap, as nothing could beat a brand new G.O.

Chase had wanted Zoey to return him the radio, and he had even accused her of having betrayed him deliberately in order to sell the device for such a high price.

Zoey had claimed to have not been aware of the potential value, either, but she refused to return him the radio because he had even tried to steal it back.

Their friends had been split over the dirty affair as well.

Finally, Zoey and Chase had agreed on sharing everything, but then Grandpa Joe, who had been aware of the high value, had visited his grandson on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy and taken the old radio back.

Well, this was of course bad news, as the old tooter from Baltimore was certainly not willing to leave Spencer the old radio for a price he was able to afford.

But Spencer shook his head."Maybe I have not got ten thousands of bucks to spend, but maybe that old Joe will make me a special price, in turn for ..." He scratched his chin.

I wondered. "yeah, in turn for what?"

Spencer had really not been able to answer the question, but he was sure that he was able to find away.

I wished strongly that I had been able to share his relentless optimism.

Did my brother expect that the old creep would habe accepted one of his sculptures as a payment? Well, that was sure a possibility, but not everyone was willing to purchase a squirrle camera as a payment for something worth a dozen of thousands of bucks.

Samantha suggested Spencer to wait simply until the death of the old creep from Baltimore. "Then his grandson Chase will inherit it, and you may buy the radio off him for the price of a G.O."

Spencer liked this idea.

But I had to shake my head. "You don't know how long that Joe has still got to live, and, in addition, there will maybe be some other heirs as well. And Chase will probably already have earned his own G.O."

Samantha shrugged. "So what? My uncle Carmine[1:4] may help us here with both problems, by speeding up the ... opportunity for the inheritan ce, and by reducing the amount of potential heirs."

I glared at my best friend with horror. "We can't hire your uncle in order to ... accelerate the situation!"

Samantha growled that itwas her favourite uncle, and she was able to hire him for whatever she wanted to.

* * *

**1.5 Trip To Maryland**

Spencer was still convinced of being able to negotiate successfully with the old miser from Baltimore, and he decided to take me, Samantha, and Fredward on a trip across the whole continent, quite a few thousands of miles, in his old and rusty car which he had patched several times with the help of his imaginary friend "Socko", using random trash from a nearby junk yard run by mechanic Joe Braxley.[1:5]

Samantha, who had tried until the last moment to dissuade us from meeting Chase and his grandpa for a reason unbeknownst to me, had loaded the vehicle with lots of food, as she would certainly be very hungry on our cross country trip that would last several days, if not more, given that old and rusty cars had got the obnixious habit of breaking down every now and then, thereupon needing some kind of repair. But the meat and bread were weighing us down even more.

Spencer claimed to know the roads in Washington and in Idaho as well as the pockets of his pants, and he knew especially each and every damaged spot by heart.

Bang! My stomach and my bones were shaken vigorously.

"Yeah, this is hole number one, and this is hole number two! I so knew it!"

But what would happen once we left the western states and made it across the middle west?

In order to waste the time, we kids sang the good old _Camptown_ song. Spencer accompanied us on his banjo, which he had borrowed from "Socko". He was playing it while driving the car? Oops! I wished that I had stayed with grandpa in Yakima instead.

We were going to ride all night, going to ride all day ...

* * *

**1.6 Nicole Bristow**

Samantha had always wondered whether a criminal that had killed many a men west of the Mississippi, just like some of her relatives, were eligible for being hanges east of the Mississippi.

Whatever the answer, we had to cross this river. Spencer had hitherto refrained from making a break because he wanted to break the record for crossing the continent in a rusty car, or something like that.

One of our last states before crossing the big river was Kansas, and we had crossed it dry steppe. I had come to see that all we were was dust in the wind.[1:6] But all of a sudden, Spencer's car refused to continue becauseof the lack of petrol.

Fortunately, that mishap had occurred in front of a juice factory. Of course even I knew that cars did not need juice for driving, but after crossing the dusty steppe, my throat had turned bone dry, and I hoped to be able to refresh it here.

The factiory had got a little juice bar wihich was served by a somewhat distracted teenage girl. She identified herself as Nicole Bristow, the daughter of the owner of the juice empire.[1:7]

Spencer had to pay quite a bit in order to quench our huge thirst, something he should have considered beforehand. For me it was obvious that the whole trip would be more expensove than an economy flight, but my brother was not really inclined to listening to my objections.

Nicole talked incessantly, making my ears bleed. She was a real middle west bimbo wench, and her main concern seemed to be cute boys, which, much to my dismay, included Fredward and Spencer.

Sam wanted to hit the Kansas girl hard , but I prevented her from doing so. Strangely, she gave the impression of having been vaguely familiar with Nicole. BUt I was not able to see a reason for this.

My brother explained why he was up to crossing the continent, especially mentioning Chase Bartholomew Matthews.

Nicole squealed full of excitement that she knew Chase, and that he was totally not cute, but a dweeb with extremely bushy hair. She had been a student at Pacific Coast Academy until a year ago. Ever since she had studied at Northridge,[1:8] a girl school in the outskirts of Los Angeles. Her parents had been worried because of the wench's sickening obsession with boys, especially cute ones, and so they had moved her to a school without those. Honestly, I was not able to blame Mr. and Mrs. Bristow for their decision. Nicole had of course also known aforementioned Zoey Brooks, and, even more, they had been room mates. "They would have been a really cute couple." She told us many details about the crush of Chase on Zoey, too much for me to be able to handle at that moment.

Spencer talked about the reason for looking for Chase's grandpa, the oldfashioned radio. "It is a Fada".

Nicole choked and twitched, as if suffering from a painful flashback.

I wondered what had been going on, and so I asked Nicole about it.

The bimbo girl explained, "my grandpa once owned such a model, a Fada, although I am not sure about the number. He had given it to me when I moved to Pacific Coast Academy, and I had used it sometimes in my dormitory room. But I had most likely been a bit careless and left it on the campus last spring. I did not know that I would not return at the end of the summer." She sighed deeply. "And it has meant so much to papah. He has even kept the serial number of the thing."

I wondered how small the world was. Zoey had certainly known Nicole's radio, and known about its worth, but a bit later, she had bought one of the same model for a dirt cheap price off Chase, pretending that she had been clueless about the whole model stuff.

Spencer asked Nicole for the number of the device, and he was going to compare it to that of Chase's grandpa. The serial number would turn out as "13".

I gasped, asking, "do you think those are the same radio, not just the same brand, but really the same?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, that is straightforward, ain't it? It is a really rare brand ..."

OK, but the Fada radio had been sent unto Chase by his grandpa Joe who had not been at Pacific Coast Academy before ... or so I supposed. It did not make much sense to me, as of then. But I was open to everything.

With the help of the Bristows, we would soon be ready to continue our trip to Baltimore, although I would have wished a day's rest in a comfortable bed, but bear with it! But — according to Spencer — the ride had to go on.

* * *

**1.7 Meeting Chase**

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was spending a few weeks of the summer with his family that was primarily living in Maryland.

We were visiting him before continuing to his grandpa, a horrible miser, after all.

Chase had already been waiting for us, and he was a bit confused why we had chosen to take the long road instead of flying.

Samantha repeated her offer to hire her uncle Carmine, but this time asking Chase.

The bushy head scratched his head, but he decided that there were strict rules in his family against killing your grandparents.

My best friend shook her head and called us all sorts of lame words.

We mentioned that we had accidentally come across Nicole Bristow, whom he still remembered.

Chase was thoroughly sad because he had missed Nicole already badly during the last year. "She is a bit messy and distracted, but she's ver funny and refreshing at that." He sighed deeply. When Spencer mentioned his theory about the identity of the old radio in Nicole's family and the one now owned by his grandpa, he banged his head against the wall. "Dern ... I should have known it .. yes, I saw the radio, but only once or twice, standing in Zoey's dormitory room ... that's whereas I may never remember hacving it seen in my grandpa's apartment, and I had often been in his storage room where he usually keeps all the memories ..."

We gave Chase the current number of Nicole, as he had lost all contact with her upon her unannounced move to Eastridge. Hell, he had not even known that she was now a student at that school, he had thouyght her far away from Los Angeles all the time.

But I had also noticed something strange going on when Chase and Samantha met for the first time ... if it had been for the first time, indeed.

Chase was from the same school as Melanie, so it was not unlikely that he was familiar with that face, and maybe my best friend had already run once upon a time into the bushy head, but the way they were now dancing around each other told me subtly that there had been more behind it. Alas, there were now more pressing issues awaiting us, and I postponed my curiosity until our return to Seattle.

Wait, Samantha had already acting in a subtly weird manner when facing Nicole. It was inevitable for me to conclude that she had met both of them when visiting her monozygotic twin sister at Pacific Coast Academy, but did not want to talk about it, for whatever reason. Should I have tried to investigate? I was not sure, but, whatever the reason, I decided to postpone the whole thing until our return to Seattle in order to avoid a fight on site upon having rubbed salt into their wounds.

* * *

**1.8 Grandpa Joe**

Along with Chase, we had made it into the lion's den, alias the apartment of Joseph Matthews.

My first impression here confirmed what I had already concluded back in Seattle.

Chase's grandpa was every bit despicable and grumpy, making me pity the bushy head to no end. Unfortunately, it was his only alive grandparent.

A few months ago, his favourite grandmother had bit the dust, which was of course infinitely sad.[1:9]

After a few minutes of pointless negotiations, Spencer spotted the serial number of the radio, and it was indeed the same as that of Nicole' s granpa's.

I panted heavily, but it was necessary to hide my thoughts from the deprecable old miser.

The question of the question was how Nicole's radio had made its way from Pacific Coast Academy to Baltimore, just in order to be sent to Chase and then claimed back by grandpa Joe. Or maybe it had never left the campus since Nicole had brought it there, until the despicable scroodge had simply claimed it? Then someone at the post office of Pacific Coast Academy would have had to mess it up big times.

I was definitely confused, and I decided to send a message to Nicole, explaining that we had found her family radio, Now her grandpa and maybe Nicole were the ones for Spencer to negotiate, at least lawfully. And I so wanted evil Joe Matthews to pay dearly for his deceit and theft. But how was I going to do that?

* * *

**Chapter 2 Adventure At PCA**

* * *

**2.1 The Tall Blond Rake**

The new academic year had started, and it was lame as usual, especially because of Miss Briggs being once more our homeroom and English teacher, just as in seventh grade. In sixth grade, she had been absent for most of the time, but she had probably just tortured other kids elsewhere.[2:1]

Samantha had switched lockers with some creep named Arthur Gradsteen[2:2] so we were now locker neighbours.

There were heartbreaking news: Jake Crendell,[2:3] a tall hot blond junior, had just trashed his long term girlfriend Stephanie Javers.[2:4] I was too timid to ask him for a date. Note that I was usually not really timid, but Jake made me feel like having butterflies in my stomach. Samantha helped me out by throwing my apple at the rake, forcing him to notice me. And the miracle was there: Jake Crendle considered visiting me at home.

* * *

**2.2 Invited To A Barbecue Party**

Stoked by Jake's announce to pass by, I returned from school. I knew that Fredward, the horcy creep, would turn jealous, but that was his problem, wasn't it?

In addition, I was supposed to help Spencer with a new sculpture, _The Splatterman_. It was a plaster cast splattered with paint of a variety of colours.

But upon entering our loft, my brother held a letter in his hand, announcing even more exciting news. "We are invited to a barbecus party at Pacific Coast Academy. Chase will talk to aus about more details."

I gasped. "A barbecue party?"

Spencer nodded solemnly. "Zoey Brooks's granduncle Morris has died, and he had left her a truck full of pork ribs. Now they are making a party. it is also a grill contest. And guess who has been the king of the barbecue five years ago at Socko's summer party?"

I looked aghast, replying, "you mean the one where you got the whole garage of socko's uncle Otto[2:5] to burn down?"

Honestly, randonly burning down things, even those that usually did not catch fire easily, was one of Spencer's greatest skills. If he could have earned earn money by this means, he would never ever have been even a penny short.

OK, I was not looking forward to the possibility of Spencer setting the campus ablaze, but I so wanted to go to a party, especially with Jake.

Samantha would not want to miss out on the magic words "barbecue" and "ribs", so there was no doubt that she would come along.

And Fredward? It would have been impolite not to ask him, but his mother was hardly willing to let him go to a barbecue party, as it was really dangerous, especially with Spencer around.

Spencer's car would be chock full with five people, another reason why I hoped Fredward to stay at home, along with the possibility of a jealousy drama as he was inevitably envying Jake for his hotness and manliness, but, of course, I would never have said this, hurting his feelings beyond any measure. Otherwise I would have risked losing the only competent tech producer of my web show that was not an utter dweeb with even more disgusting habits.

My brother decided to refrain from producing _Splatterman_, and he switched to _Splattercar_, in other words, we would have to throw globs of paint at his vehicle, making it look a whole lot more fancy. He wanted to impress the female staff members of Pacific Coast Academy between twenty-five and forty with his masterpiece of art ...

Finally, Jake Crandell arrived and made my heart beat a lot faster. I told him immediately about the impending barbecue fest at Pacific Coast Academy.

To my surprise, he was not unfamiliar with that boarding school, for he had already been visiting friends over there. "I have even dated an ugly wench from Massachusetts for a few hours. That was, of course, an accident. She lisps and is obsessed with cotton swabs." He coughed and shuddered.

I was disgusted by the thought of such a girl, but creepy kids were everywhere we looked around.

* * *

**2.3 On The Road To California**

It was going to be a wonderful early fall weekend, at least according to Bruce Windchill,[2:6] the best weather reporter between San Diego and Vancouver.

The car was covered with multi-coloured spots of all sorts of shapes, and it had been repaired thoroughly by aforementioned Joe Braxley, who, by the way, had also been a mechanic in Malibu, just a few years ago, before he had been hired here in Seattle for some odd purpose.

Fredward had actually been able to persuade his mom into allowing him to come with us, but he had to be rubbed with fire blocker, and he was not allowed to get anywhere near the grill.

Spencer had chosen a good old Gary Coleman barbecue set[2:7] he had bought off "Socko", and he was going to operate it all alone. We kids were only allowed to mix the barbecue marinade and the dips.

Fortunately, California was not as far away as Maryland, but our whole weekend would be consumed by our trip. Well, Spencer had been successful when talking our principal Theodore Franklin into granting us a free monday, but we would have to do more homework the following days in order to make up for this.

I was looking forward to cuddling "unintentionally" with Jake during the trip, blaming it on Spencer's driving style and the bad and curvy roads. Fredward was not content when he saw me sitting next to the reckless rake, but he had to bear with this.

* * *

**2.4 Arrival In Malibu**

Yet another long and painful car trip had come to an end when Spencer was halting his craft at the drop spot of Pacific Coast Academy.

Samantha had already informed Melanie about our arrival, and Fredward laughed about it because he refused to believe that Samantha had got such a thing as a monozygotic twin sister. "You just try to vex me, girls, don't you?"

But then Melanie showed up, right in front of our car.

Fredward growled, "Sam, you can't fool me again! I know that it is you!" Then he felt Samantha's fist in his back, and he turned around in order to look what was going on. "Sam? What are you doing ..." He was so confused, and still too stubborn to accept the simple and plain fact that Samantha had got a monozygotic twin sister. His dizziness increased, and thence Jake had to help him out of the car. "I know where the infirmary is."

Melanie offered to help Jake carrying our technological producer away.

OK, we had booked a room at Pacific Coast Academy for one night, so ... who was going to show us there if not Melanie?

Spencer did not care, he wanted to make it as fast as only possible to the barbecue site in order to deploy his Gary Coleman Grill.

I was discussing with Sam the possibility of various dips.

But without Fredward, there would be a problem, because we had promised our viewers live pictures from the barbecue party.

* * *

**2.5 Charcoal Smoke**

Samantha had spotted some boys across the campus and thus left me all alone here.

Spencer shook hands with Zoey Brooks, the leading person behind the barbecue event, and he requested a spot on the meadow for his Gary Coleman grill, as well as some pork chops to be prepared.

The blond Mary Sue smiled and nodded solemnly. "Don't let your young sister and her friends operate the charcoal. There's a law here in Los Angeles County saying that fifteen is the minimum age for doing so.

Spencer nodded solemnly. "I have been at law school for three days, yeah!"

Zoey shrugged. "So, I suppose you are very strict with rules and orders ... so, here are the rules for the barbecue contest ..." She talked a lot of stuff I could not really understand. But did Spencer? That was pretty much to be doubted.

In addition, my brother glared at some chubby matron around thirty, exactly his age range. He asked Zoey Brooks about her. "She really enjoys her food, doesn't she?"

Zoey grinned. "This is Coco Wexler, our dormitory adviser, and today, she is also the assistant judge of the contest."

Spencer grinned. "Ladies are like wax between my hot fingers. The first prize is as well as mine!"

Zoey grinned. "Good luck!"

Spencer was a bit confused, because they were competitors.

But Zoey declared that it was a matter of politeness to wish all participants good luck, even your worst competitors. "By the way ... Coco had already got a biyfriend ... he is six foot four and full of muscles ... He is not here ... but ... better be careful."

Spencer's eyes bugged out, so he promised to be very careful, with both kinds of gleam: That of the glowing charcoal and that of the close to blazing heart.

Zoey asked me, "so, you are the little sister of Spencer, and the host of the famous web show?"

I nodded solemnly. "I really wanted to make a session from here, but without my tech producer. Fredward ... he had to be taken to the nurse's station."

Zoey explained, "Chase and Dustin have already told me about you. Especially Dustin is a huge fan. OK, sorry for your tech freak ... but I know some student who may sub here."

Dustin was her little brother, about one year younger than me. He had been among the kids preparing the dips for the barbecue.

Zoey asked me to join Dustin and the other middle school kids, and she showed me the way. "I will call Quinn and tell her to take care of the technical stuff."

I better took care of the dips now. I would have liked to ask Zoey about the old radio, but there was no time left. But I would strike before leaving the camous again — or so I promised.

* * *

**2.6 Preparing Dips**

Dustin blushed deeply, unto a shade of a crimson hotter than the glowing charcoal of Spencer's Gary Grill. He was still a hell of small, but extremely nice and smart.

I smiled. "Yes, it is me, Carly Shay of _iCarly_ fame." I chuckled.

Dustin's crimson did still not diminish.

I decided to take a look at the field kitchen that had been established in the campus square, allowing me to choose ongredients for my dip. "Avocados ... sour cream ... I think I shall make some guacamole, what do you think? You may even help me, if you want."

Dustin nodded solemnly, while other fans of my web show arrived one by one.

Unfortunately, some of them were really obnoxious, hitting on me just as Fredward Benson had used to do in the most perverted manner for two years already.

Dustin aske me timidly, |but where are Freddie and Trisha?"

I was a bit dazed by the name "Trisha". "What do you mmean ... Trisha?"

Dustin panted and continued "oops, Sam, of course ... where are Freddie and Sam?"

Now I really wanted to know why he called Samantha "Trisha". I looked sternly at my little big fan.

Dustin sighed deeply, "When she studied here at Pacific Coast Academy, she was known as Trisha Kirby."

OK, so Samantha had not only been here in order to visit Melanie, but also in order to study at Pacific Coast Academy, or so some students here had believed. My best friend would have to rexplain me something.

Dustin reveiled thereupon that Sam's time at Pacific Coast Academy had been very short, because ... He stammered, "Sam and I were dating, but Zoey was against it, for Trisha ... Sam is ... was such a bad girl. She got her even expelled."

I gasped. "You and Sam were what?"

Dustin sighed deeply. "I know it was a mistake. She had cheated on me with Chase Matthews, just two days later, and then ..."

Sorry, that was too much for me to bear. At least my observation in Baltimore had made perfect sense all the way: Samantha and Chase were not only familiar with each other, they had been a couple of some sorts, even for very short time. She owed me quite a few explanations.

But now there was no time left. Quinn Pensky arrived with her web camera, and she was ready to start the web session.

I had used my cellular phone in order to announce on our interweb site that there was a delay, telling the viewers to stay tunned.

Quinn counted the seconds. "Five ... four ... three ... two." She ommitted the one, just as Freddie's habit.

I waved around. "Hello, vviewers of _iCarly_ ... I know, this is not our studio, and it is a bit distressful over here at Pacific Coast Academy in California. And Sam is not yet here with me. Freddie has got some health problems, so he is replaced by Quinn Pensky." I sweated when haviong to talk about those circumstances.

Quinn held the camera against herself and grinned mysteriously.

I introduced Dustin and a few onlooking middle school kids, all of then great fans of my show, "Today, I will try to make the best guacamole ever, along with my local fans." I explained the recipe for the whole thing.

Among those kids, there was little Hollywood starlet Ashley Blake,[2:8] She was rather arrogant, but her presence would provide great publisity for our web show.

Then Sam came along, dragging an ugly dweeb behind herself. She pulled at his panties, calling it a "wedgie". She smiled. "I have found a dork, may I keep him?"

Quinn was upset, because the dweeb was no other than her contemporary boyfriend Mark del Figgalo, and she was not willing to share him, even with a girl that just pulled his panties. "Hey, let my boyfriend in peace! Will you?"

Mark remarked apathetically, "but it is fun!"

Quinn looked consternated. "What? Are you serious, Mark? You call it fun? OK, it's over. Sam may keep you, and don't ever try to come back, not even begging on your knees and crawling like a scolopender!"

Mark shrugged helplessly, as he was apparently hardly ever up to saying anything.

Sam had to taste whetherthe dips were any good, and she did so by filling some of the creamy stuff into Mark's pant. Some red hot salsa made the dweeb scream, and so she decided that said sauce had to be the best.

The former relationship between Sam and Dustin, which he had deemed a mistake, still occupied my mind, although we had a lot of fun preparing dips and commenting the barbecuse contest.

As if all the confusion had not been enough, Nicole Bristow showed up on the campus. She had been invited by Chase Bartholomew Matthews as well.

Samantha suggested to go around and interview the participating teams about the ongoing contest.

I deemed this a good idea, but I had not seen it coming that Sam was actually just going to sneak as many barbecue ribs as possible and swallow then on site.

This reminded me more and more urgently of the radio affair.

And now Samantha returned from her tour to the barbecue booths, with sooty fat smeared around her mouth and with fits of belchig every other second. "OK, I have to make an important announce. Focus please!"

Quinn nodded, and she displayed my best friend as big as only possible.

Samantha declared, "hello, as you know, the main judge of this contest is no other than Pierre Le Mange, the master cook from cooking channel — or so we think. But I tell you, I have watched cooking channel more often than any of you, and verily, I tell you, this man is not Pierre Le Mange, it is a mean cheater!"

Turmoil and mayhem started filling the campus.

Nicole sobbed. "But the star cook looks so cute! By the way, where is Freddie? He is the cutest guy I have ever seen!"

I had to explain that Fredward Benson had been stuffed into the nurses' station, and the reasons for this fact.

Nicole looked aghast, and then she was off to the infirmary in order to look after Fredward.

A weird girl that looked excactly like Jake's description of his ex-girlfriend for less than one day walked past us. "Freddie is really in the infirmary? He is sick? And you are not with him? But you should."

I shook my head. "Freddie is in better hands over there."

The girl introduced herself as Stacey Dillsen, a big fan of our show, and a fanatic supporter of me and Fredward as acouple. Those fans were known as "Creddiers", and they were a really violent and misguided brood.

At the same time, the fake Pierre Le Mange had started trying to escape, but Sam had already called officer Vega from Los Angeles County Police, who had sent over hos forces in order to arrest the cheater. "I know Vega well. He has arrested one of my uncles and my aunt Maggie. And he thinks he will get me one day ... when I expect it least ..." Sam glared aloft with disgust.

The contest was thus cancelled, but it would have had to be , anyways, as Samantha had already eaten almost everything. "They all taste yummy!"

With this judgement, we concluded the running web session.

* * *

**2.7 Trisha Kirby**

It was now better to go and look after Fredward Benson in the infirmary. Many fans wanted to follow us, but the room would not have been big enough, especiially not for squealing fangirls like Stacey Dillsen.

Spencer was still trying to hanker after Coco Wexler, and seeing this was incredibly disgusting, because she forced him to lick some barbecue sauce off her cheeks. So it was better for me not to disturb and to walk away as quickly as only possible.

Melanie was sitting by Fredward's bed, trying to convince him of not being the same person as Samantha with a different dress and heir style.

Freddie was still stubborn as a mule, even when Samantha showed up in the door frame. "You try you can fool me, Sam, but ... tell me what ... noone will ever fool a true Benson ... nobody, you get it?"

I shook my head, laughing about that one stubborn fool.

Where had Jake Crendell been all the time?

According to Melanie, he was somewhere out on the campus, but completely surrounded by a hive of horny girls.

Oh well, nothing had apparently changed since our departure from Seattle.

I must have been thoroughly misguided when thinking that I had been something special for Jake.

It was really hard to tell what was going on with Fredward, but he must actually imagine to see Samantha twice instead of accepting that there were two monocygotic twins at work.

Now it was the time in order to ask Samantha about her past as Trisha Kirbu.

She wondered which rat had told me about Trisha, but I insisted in Sam talking first.

Samantha explained that she had been sent to Pacific Coast Academy by the the authorities in Olympia, the capital of the state of Washington, in order to remove me, and also Melanie, from the bad influence of the gangs to which our parents and many of our relatives had belonged, and probably still did ... at least most of them.

OK, this made a lot of sense. The Pucketts were really one gang of organised criminals.

Foer that avail, Sam had been renamed to Patricia Kirby, while Melanie's fake name had been Fawn Leibowitz.[2:9]

Samantha admitted to having seduced several random guys at Pacific Coast Academy, but ... so what? All healthy girls did so — or so she claimed.

I was thoroughly disgusted by Samantha's perverted attitude, and I pitied much more her male victims involved, especially Dustin Brooks who was about two years younger than her.

At least Fredward started to recover form his utter confusion and to accept that there were indeed two monozygotic twin sisters involved, Melanie and Samantha, although he had not understood the thing with Fawn Leibowitz and with Patricia Kirby.

In this moment, Zoey and Nicole stumbled into the infirmary, dragging reluctant and whimpering Spencer in.

The bimbo wench remarked incessantly how cute Spencer was, and Fredward was the same, but Jake Crendell was really the bomb.

I was shocked when taking a closer look at Spencer, discovering that he was bruised and bleeding here and there. "Spencer! What is going on here?"

Zoey Brooks explained, "he has not listened to my advice ... that's it." She suspired before continuing, "furst he was hankering after Coco, although she had got only eyes for Le Mange. After the intervention of the cops, Coco started totally lusting for him, telling that she had recently been trashed again by her boyfriend via SMS. Now Spencer was already suffocated by Coco's habit, but he was unable to get away. Finally, her on and off boyfriend showed up again in order to take Coco back, and he was jealous and ... well, you see the results." Zoey sighed sadly.

Nurse Krafader[2:10] started taking a closer look at Spencer, but he had not got an insurance card on him as he had not been a student, and not been in any private health insurance, either. Krafader had to reject him after seeing that he was not mortally wounded, the only reason for her to treat an extern.

Freddie was sent away, too, and he was guided out by a drove of fangirls lead by Stacey Dillsen.

It was rather my brother's own stupidity that hurt so much.

Zoey sighed deeply, and she suggested to call her uncle Glazer[2:11] who was a freelance medic working in downtown Los Angeles.

* * *

**2.8 The Story Of The Radio**

This was the treatment room of Zoey's uncle. I had to hold Spencer's arm because he was panically afraid of the syring that Doctor Glazer was about to give him.

Unfortunately, Nicole was still with us, annoying everyone with her bimbo talk.

Anyways, now or never was the time to talk about the radio of the model Fada with serial number thirteen, the radio that had been both in Nicole's possession and later in that of Chase's grandpa.

Zoey choked vigorously when hearing about that,

Nicole glared at Zoey, asking, "have you found my radio? What have you done with it? My grandpa has been in a stinky mood because I have lost it back then." She shook her former best friend vigorously.

Zoey sighed deeply. "OK, yeah, it is my fault." She lowered her head for shame. "When Chase needed desperately a new G.O, I had given him Nicole's old radio. She had said that I would be allowed to use all of her things that she left behind as I needed them."

Nicole glared aghast, and she explained, "back then, I did not know how important the memories are for grandpa."

Zoey sobbed badly. "So I thought that an old radio would have been better for Chase than nothing. I interceived the empty letter of his grandpa, and I added it to the parcel. My friend Tracy Baldwin,[2:12] who worked for the post office, helped me. But then Chase had apparently not wanted it, and I "bought" it back for a low price, as it had been mine anyways, so there was no reason for remorses. Only later, Chase had started causing troubles, and he had told his grandpa about the valuable radio. I had made up with Chase, and then the old creep walked in and took the radio off us."

That was quite some hell of a story.

I wondered why Zoey had never tried to get the radio back from Chase's evil grandpa.

Zoey declared that she had been too much ashamed of her mistake to admit to it, as a blond Mary Sue like herself was supposed to be perfect and always get what she wanted.

But with Nicole's intervention, things were about to change.

Doctor Glazer told us to treat my brother with ice cold wraps for a few days. He had deemed it better for him to refrain from driving a car, especially **that** car.

But Spencer remained stubborn like an ox ...

* * *

**2.9 Conclusion**

Unfortunately, Spencer had dropped out too early from law school in order to know what to do against the ruthless miser and thief of Baltimore.

But in the end, all it took was talking to Claire Sawyer, a high school girl from James K. Polk in Santa Clarita. She was going to wreak havoc on the old wanker from Maryland who would soon get arrested by Officer Vega.

Nicole's grandpa decided to leave the radio to Spencer ... gratis, but he wanted to see the completed sculpture, even if it was the last thing for the old man to see in his life.

Two years later, Zoey Brooks was in a doubt as of whether to go to law school or to become a fashion designer. Fortunately, Spencer was the right person to address in those questions. And so Dustin and I sent his sister my brother's way. They encouraged each other to stand up to their respective father and tell them about their true inclinations, which were based on their true strngth, videlicet artist creativity and not of lawayer's pendantery.

This was of course a big shock for the old men, but they were powerless against the true call.

Now we are celebrating a double wedding: Dustin and I, Spencer and Zoey. Everything is ready for the wedding march, but who is going to play the bridal chorus?

That's right .. this ol' radio will do!

_**THE END**_

* * *

** 1:1**:

* * *

Cf. _The iCarly Show_: _iParty With Victorious_.

**1:2**:

* * *

Melanie Puckett is a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iTwin_.

**1:3**:

* * *

That radio is featured in _Zoey 101_: _The Radio_ and here identified with a cameo of the same device in _Zoey 101_: _New Roomies_.

**1:4**:

* * *

Uncle Carmine is mentioned several times, e.g. in _The iCarly Show_: _iLook Alike_.

He is here identified with guest character Carmine from _Zoey 101_: _Walkathon_.

He is to be strictly distinguished from uncle Carmine from _The iCarly Show_: _iLove You_, which assumes that later parts of _The iCarly Show_ are utterly corrupted and incomopatible with season one and thus can't be taken serious in any sense.

**1:5**:

* * *

This is Joe the mechanic from _Zoey 101_: _Spring Fling_, identified with Braxley from _The iCarly Show_: _iPromote Techfoots_.

**1:6**:

* * *

This alludes to third party owned song _Dust in The Wind_ by Kansas.

**1:7**:

* * *

According to _Zoey 101_: _Jet__-__X_, Nicole's father owned a juice factory.

**1:8**:

* * *

Northridge is mentioned multiple times throughout _Victorious_.

It is here identified with Eastridge, a school mentioned in _Bigtime Rush_: _Big Time Break_.

**1:9**:

* * *

This had happened in _Zoey 101_: _Chase__'__s gRandmother_.

**2:1**:

* * *

Miss Briggs is identified with the same character's rõle in _Shredderman Rules_.

**2:2**:

* * *

Arthur Gradsteen is mentioned in _The iCarly Show_: _iLike Jake_ and in _Victorious_: _WiiFi In THe Sky_.

**2:3**:

* * *

Jake Crandell is a guest character from _The iCarly Show_: _iLike Jake_.

He is identified with James Garrett from _Zoey 101_, fourth season, with cameo Dennifer from _Zoey 101_: _Quarantine_, and other cameos of the same actor in various _Nickelodeon_ shows.

**2:4**:

* * *

Stephanie Javers is a cameo from _The iCarly Show_: _iLike Jake_.

**2:5**:

* * *

Otto is mentioned in _The iCarly Show_: _iGive Away A Car_.

**2:6**:

* * *

Bruce Windchill is mentioned several times in _Drake & Josh_.

**2:7**:

* * *

Gary Coleman is a cameo in _Drake & Josh_: _The Gary Grill_.

**2:8**:

* * *

Ashley Blake is from _Drake & Josh_: _Little Diva_.

**2:9**:

* * *

Fawn Leibowitz is from _Victorious_: _Crazy Ponny_.

**2:10**:

* * *

Nurse Krafader is a cameo from _Zoey 101_: _Dance Contest_.

**2:11**:

* * *

Doctor Glazer appears in several cameos in _Drake & Josh_.

**2:12**:

* * *

Tracy Baldwin is a guest character from _Zoey 101_: _Lola likes Chase._


End file.
